


The Monster's Folly

by Khirs



Category: Carmilla (Web Series)
Genre: F/F, Stream of Consciousness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-02
Updated: 2016-06-02
Packaged: 2018-07-11 18:24:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7065136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Khirs/pseuds/Khirs
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Takes place during S1. Carmilla muses on this life she's found herself in back at Silas while her roommate sleeps.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Monster's Folly

I knew it was doomed from the start. I watched as her hair caught the lights, glowing even in the dark of our room. I watched as she followed the rabbit down the path with monsters on all sides, even in her room, her sanctuary from the ravenous world of Silas. She is the savior, and I am the one she must slay. It was doomed from the moment I stepped foot into 307 and saw her shoulders bunched up with tension. I knew I was doomed when she turned and caught my eyes with that bewildered, furious gaze.

Her breath comes evenly across the expanse between our beds, but it may as well come from the other side of the world though I feel it against my cheek like a kiss. The distance is so painful sometimes. I can reach out but my fingertips only catch empty air. Does she dream of me? Her heart beats a heavy cadence in my ears; I can almost feel my heart fluttering alongside of hers, a bird held captive by one who didn’t know she had locked it away. If she dreams of me, I know they are nightmares. I fill the sea with blood and she has the misfortune to be the one stranded on the boat even as I am drowning to be closer to her.

The ludicrousness of the situation has not escaped me. I am far too old, too damaged, to be falling for this naïve girl who still has that bit of save-the-world in her that I lost centuries ago. When words and actions fall to ash on my tongue, hers turn into warm sugar. Where she is light, I am the darkness, the shadows creeping into her room that she remains blissfully unaware of.

Can she tell I desire to be close to her? Does she know I have memorized every inch of her face? I knew it was a path to inevitable demise, but I can’t help but to store the way her lips quirk up when she stumbles onto something she thinks will save us all. I can’t help watching her face scrunch in determination to save us all. My fingertips itch to trace the smoothness of her cheek, ghost over her lips to touch her chin and bring her eyes up to mine. As I lie awake in this uncomfortable twin bed staring beyond the ceiling, I wish to run my fingers through her silk hair.

I can smell her blood anywhere on the campus. It has a distinct sweetness that lingers on my tongue and begs me to taste. Right now when we’re this close, I can hear it flow through her veins in a rhythm that is fundamentally human.

 _Laura_ , my body calls to her. _Laura_.

She stirs in her sleep, whimpers, a tiny noise that breaks my resolve. I close my eyes as my bones shift. It never ceases to be uncomfortable as thick fur sprouts from my flesh. The cracks and the creaks are audible only to me, and thankfully she slumbers through the entire ordeal. I stand by her bed in my new form, infinitely braver as a large cat than as a centuries-old vampire.

I nuzzle her hand, sighing in contentment as her hand subconsciously runs through my fur. The whimpering stops after a few moments, but I take this moment to look at Laura through these eyes. She has a small freckle on the left side of her nose, unnoticeable to anyone who isn’t looking at her skin closely with nonhuman eyes. I can smell the body wash she used earlier surrounding me, a cloud of fragrance that settles heavily on my fur. I am bold. I nudge her side with my nose before I retreat, immediately contrite.

I shift back, biting back a whimper. Rushing it always came with some small measure of pain but I was eager to get back to my side of the room. Back to the familiar distance I could breathe again. Just as I slipped under the blanket, I heard her whisper my name. Some part of her knows what I am even if she doesn’t consciously see this monster draped in human clothing.

If she could just see how careful I am with her, how gentle. If she could see how much I’ve tried protecting her friends. Would she care? Do my intentions even matter in regards to my past, my present? I want so badly to shield her and even her merry band of good-intentioned dimwits from the mess they’ve walked into. What would Mattie say if she could hear my thoughts right now? There are horrors even I’m not sure of where this road forks. Death and misery await us all.

We are doomed, but I cannot stop myself from being reckless when it comes to her. I am drawn to her like all of the girls over the years have been drawn to me. Just like I’ve done for so long to innocents, she is doing to me, luring me to my end. She is the vengeful god here to torment my immortal existence. She drapes me in doubt, in desires I didn’t know I could have anymore. She makes me forget for a moment of being interred in a perpetual sunset of blood, and she makes me forget that I am a monster. But when I remember my punishment begins all over.

My hands are stained and torn and touching her is the highest crime. I can already see the smudges and bruises of my handiwork along her perfect skin. I leave nothing unblemished, nothing whole. She unfortunately is no exception. I can see her changing in her speech and her actions. I am going to doom her despite my best intentions and ill-thought out attempts to save her. Who am I but a monster in the end? She is so fragile, so human. I am nothing but a tank coming to disturb her peaceful garden.

I think I love her.

And that is my biggest folly.


End file.
